simon & nadia: part two
something I found and it’s beautiful
Avoid providing the material for the drama that is always stretched tight between parents and children; it uses up much of the children’s strength and wastes the love of the elders, which acts and warms even if it doesn’t comprehend.
Don’t ask for advice from them and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is strength and blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside of it.
Rainer Maria Rilke, Letter to a Young Poet
where I see this in the bible: ephesians 6:4
Parents, do not exasperate you children to the point of resentment, but nourish them.
how it relates to the conversation
Simon and I learn so much when we listen to our kid. Funnily enough, the more we listen to our girl about—oh anything that she wants to share—the more we love her. I find myself making more room in my tidy, boxed-up heart to catch her every word—even the words that I don’t want to hear, or just don’t understand.
I think I do this kinda naturally, perhaps because in the beginning she was knitted to me. There were many years of just us. But my husband on the other hand—I can’t understand how he does this so well. He’s a stepdad. She was seven when we got married and I was 40. We were a set pair. Yet, when we interrupt him time after time, again and again (we can’t help ourselves—it’s compulsive), he always unfolds himself and calmly lays everything else aside. He makes room for us “to travel as far as we wish.”
simon, nadia and me: the conversation- part 2
BCWWF:
Can either of you tell me about a time that when you were shocked by a racial insult or slur? Not necessarily even towards you but that you witnessed.
I know for me it’s all the different hashtags like #bbqbecky, and all the other white women who have called the cops on black people for no reason. I’m astonished! I’m astonished! Really, truly astonished! I’ve never had that happen to me. I’ve been followed in stores and stuff like that. But I can’t even imagine my family being at a park, having a BBQ, and someone calling the cops—or, Nadia selling water, and someone calls the cops to report her because she doesn’t have a permit—or, whatever. Every time there’s a video like that I’m still shocked by it. Like really? What?!? I cannot believe that white people—white women do this. I’m just so…
SIMON:
Well, but that has happened to you.
BCWWF:
In what way?!? When???
SIMON:
When you were dropping Nadia off for her baking class at your friend’s house and your friend’s neighbor called the cops on you.
BCWWF/NADIA in unison:
Oh yeah!!!!
BCWWF:
Well, she called the Neighborhood Watch on me. Twice!!! But, yeah—shocking. So, I guess it has happened to me. I just got up that morning. Put on my clothes. Went about my day living my life and then Nadia told me that happened. It takes a minute or so before it dawns on you and you’re like, “Oh! This a racial moment.” It’s like you forgot that it was a possibility for your day.
So how about y’all?
NADIA:
I have two. The first one is when people ask if I’m from Austin and, I tell them I’m from Chicago. They look at me like I survived getting out of the hood. But when I explain, “No, I’m from the nicer side of Chicago,” they sigh like they’re relieved for me.
BCWWF:
Whoa…What?!? (laughing) Wow! I had no idea this was happening.
NADIA:
Yep, like I honestly have to explain to them exactly where I’m from because when I say Chicago, the silence that follows after that is too awkward for me. So I have to explain that I lived in a nice neighborhood in Chicago and not the hood.
BCWWF:
Wow!!!!
SIMON:
Wait. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would people assume that you were from the hood because you’re from Chicago? I don’t get that.
BCWWF:
Well, I think it’s because certain neighborhoods—predominately black neighborhoods—in Chicago are always in the news and being called the most dangerous neighborhood or the most dangerous school. There have been lots of stories about Chicago having the worst schools.
SIMON:
Is that common knowledge because I didn’t know that?
NADIA:
I think a lot of my friends just assumed that all of Chicago was just the hood. I never thought that I would need to explain the entire demographic of a city just because people assumed that I would be from the hood—which would explain why they would say things like, “I’m surprised at the way that you talk. You don’t sound like you’re from the hood.”
BCWWF:
Wow. I’m learning a lot today.
NADIA:
And, another time it was awkward was when the word ghetto came up because a friend said, “I’m trying to think of black baby names. You know, ghetto names.” Then she said all these crazy names but added an “ah” at the end. It was weird.
BCWWF:
Because a black baby name could be “Sarah” or “Rebecca” or “Deborah.” So what did she even mean by that?
NADIA:
Another one that I experienced with Simon was when I was like 7 or 8 and some guy came up to me and Simon when we were outside the apartment walking the dog or playing. I can’t remember. But he was like, “Little girl, are you okay?” I didn’t know why he was asking that back then. I didn’t know it was because he saw a white guy with a 10-year-old child and thought it looked weird.
BCWWF:
It’s kinda like #bbqbecky.
SIMON:
Yep. I get a lot of questioning looks whenever Nadia and I go out and it’s just the two of us.
BCWWF:
And, what else have you witnessed or experienced that was racial, Simon?
SIMON:
Yeah well, once in high school when I was walking around downtown San Antonio with my friend, a group of black teenaged boys pulled up next to us in a car, rolled the window down, and one of them leaned out and screamed, “I HATE WHITE PEOPLE!!!” But I can’t say that I had any profound revelations or thoughts about that because more than anything it’s just unsettling to be attacked verbally or otherwise by anyone for anything at anytime, right? We were just relieved that they just drove off and didn’t harass us anymore. But, I think I might process that differently now as an adult. I think it would hurt me more to know that this is the kind of thing that people of color go through so regularly. I wasn’t able to do that back then. Though, I think there was a part of me didn’t blame the teens in the car for feeling that way.
BCWWF:
But, recently Simon we did experience something racial that was a surprise to both of us.
SIMON:
Yeah. You’re referring to the very name of your blog when it was mentioned @goodtype.
BCWWF:
Yeah. Talk about that. I don’t think we even told Nadia about that.
SIMON:
Yep. My friend was kind enough to mention my work when he was guest curating for @goodtype. To be mentioned on their feed is an honor and my friend was able to showcase about five of my designs. The very first one was the Black Coffee with White Friends logo. A couple of comments trickled in that said things like, “This seems racist.” So, they were seeing the word ‘black’ and word ‘white’ together in one design and a couple of people thought it was coming from a white perspective, and that it was favoring whiteness.
BCWWF:
Well, I guess. I find it hard to see it that way.
SIMON:
The assumption was made that obviously it was a racist thing. It’s black coffee with “white” friends as in only with white friends.
BCWWF:
Yeah, but even after explaining what it was, people still thought it was racist because seeing race and naming it is very uncomfortable for some people.
SIMON:
It’s very uncomfortable. You pointed out to me that it was like what Trump had done with the TV show Black-ish.
BCWWF:
Right. He said that Black-ish sounded racist. When really, it just made him feel uncomfortable.
NADIA:
May, I say something?
BCWWF:
Yes, yes. Please.
SIMON:
Of course, jump in.
NADIA:
I also think that sometimes people just like to say something is racist for no reason. Some girl in a YouTube video complained that Taco Bell was racist because they didn’t serve french fries.
(all laugh)
BCWWF:
Yeah! That’s stuff is crazy. But, I think it’s so funny that people reacted that way on @goodtype. When naming the blog and telling friends about it, I actually asked close white friends, “What do you think about this name and does it offend you?” Because the last thing I want to do is needlessly offend people.
SIMON:
Right, but the fact that you were asking that question indicates that this is a provocative title and you knew that.
BCWWF:
I wanted it to be provocative, but I didn’t want it to be put offish. I think that’s what happened with the post on @goodtype. People just wanted to fight about it. No matter how many people chimed in and commented defending the name and my feed and my blog, they wouldn’t even try to understand it.
SIMON:
That’s where it really got silly because they kept saying, “Well it’s out of context.” But everything in the @goodtype feed is shown out of context.
BCWWF:
Right.
SIMON:
You’re taking designs, logos, phrases, whatever and celebrating the artistry of the type apart from its context. And, if you’re so obsessed with the context….
BCWWF:
Go find the context.
SIMON:
Right. Go find the context.
BCWWF:
Which was my answer to everyone—“Please, I welcome you to come and find out more.” But it was interesting to see how many people did not take me up on that.
SIMON:
Because they just wanted to sit in their irritation.
BCWWF:
Or, it’s too uncomfortable. There’s always gonna be that handful of people who just aren’t there yet and you just gotta pray about it and move on. But, I’m grateful for the ones who did lean in.
